Kink Isn’t New
I became aware of Diane Atkinson’s Love and Dirt: The Marriage of Arthur Munby and Hannah Cullwick as I was preparing for a presentation on kink and attachment. It’s a well-researched historical account of an extraordinary relationship between a Victorian gentleman and a working-class servant. At first glance, it might seem like a biography of odd Victorian sexual tastes, but when examined through a kink-affirming lens, it becomes far more nuanced and meaningful.
Atkinson reconstructs the lives and love of Arthur Munby, a barrister, and Hannah Cullwick, a scullery maid, through their letters, diaries, and Munby’s photographs of Hannah. Their relationship, which began in 1854 and lasted for over fifty years, crossed rigid Victorian class lines and defied the polite norms of their era.
As a kink-affirming sex therapist, I look not only at the behaviors described, but also at consent, negotiation, mutual fulfillment, and emotional attunement which are all core to healthy kink relationships.
Munby and Cullwick’s dynamic was rooted in mutual desire and consent, even if Victorian society would have labeled it perverse. What we now recognize as scenes of dominance and submission can coexist with deep affection and mutual care. Their shared erotic life was an authentic expression of their identities.
Many kink relationships involve negotiated power exchange where both partners choose roles that feel erotic and emotionally meaningful. This historical couple seems to have embodied that principle long before the terminology existed.
Despite the secrecy they maintained (even keeping the fact they were married to each other private), the wealth of personal writing they left behind suggests remarkable openness with each other. Much like in contemporary kink communities, communication was central to how they navigated their dynamic over decades. This dynamic is something modern kink practitioners emphasize strongly: ongoing consent, explicit negotiation, and curiosity about your partner’s interior life.
Atkinson’s narrative is engaging and evocative, giving readers vivid insight into a pair whose erotic life was inseparable from their identities. She offers a textured, human portrayal rather than a salacious lurid account. The richness of the source material allows that translation to happen naturally for people familiar with kink.
For kinky readers, this book offers validation: that desires once stigmatized or hidden have always existed and can be viewed through a lens of dignity rather than pathology.
