Sensation Seeking
Leigh Cowart's Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose offers a glimpse into the nuanced reality of pain, pleasure, and the human need for sensation. This book interrogates our cultural taboos around voluntary pain from BDSM play to ultramarathons to spicy food contests revealing that the drive to hurt on our own terms is both deeply personal and fundamentally human.
Cowart's narrative challenges the binary of pain versus pleasure, showing how the two can be intimately interwoven in consensual environments. The stories range from ballet dancers enduring grueling rehearsals to kinky people seeking out pain as play, and even religious devotees using pain for spiritual transformation. What stands out, both clinically and personally, is how much agency and context matter: when pain is chosen, controlled, and consensual, it can lead to healing and joy.
A major takeaway for anyone working with sexuality and relationships is the book’s unyielding emphasis on consent. Cowart returns time and again to the reality that pain, when imposed without permission, is trauma and abuse; but when embraced intentionally, it’s a form of self-expression or reclamation. This echoes what we see in therapeutic spaces: negotiation, clear boundaries, and enthusiastic consent are the dividing lines between healthy exploration and harm.
The book normalizes the broad spectrum of masochistic pleasure-seeking, contextualizing it as both a biological and cultural phenomenon. For those who worry about the overlap between self-harm and pleasurable pain, Cowart distinguishes between destructive, compulsive acts and intentional, joyous ones, always focusing on motivation and outcome.
From a therapeutic perspective, "Hurts So Good" ultimately argues that reclaiming pain can be a path to healing. People with traumatic histories may find agency and catharsis in controlling their pain, whether through dance, ritual, or kink practice. The message for clinicians is to meet clients without judgment and to understand that sensation-seeking may serve adaptive, even transformative purposes when explored mindfully and consensually.
Hurts So Good is a compassionate, scientifically-informed, and often funny exploration that opens up the conversation about why some forms of pain are not only tolerable but also desirable. By breaking down taboos and clarifying misconceptions, Cowart helps both professionals and lay readers see pain-seeking in a new, more empathetic light.
