You’re Magic
Rae McDaniel is famous in the sex therapy world and I admire them greatly. Their book Gender Magic is exactly the kind of affirming, hopeful, and radically human guide I wish every client navigating gender questions had on their nightstand. As a sex therapist, I work with individuals who are not only unpacking sexual shame, but also trying to untangle themselves from the binary boxes around gender. This book doesn’t only speak to those questioning or transitioning, but it also speaks to anyone brave enough to explore who they really are beneath layers of expectation and fear.
McDaniel, a nonbinary sex therapist, brings both personal vulnerability and clinical savvy to the page. Their tone is disarmingly warm without ever veering into platitude. They encourage readers to move away from a traditional "gender transition" narrative that’s often medicalized or linear and instead embrace the concept of gender exploration as a creative, ongoing process. McDaniel calls it gender magic. For clients who have felt like they needed to prove their trans-ness or present a "coherent" gender identity to be valid, this message is liberating.
From a therapeutic standpoint, what’s especially helpful is McDaniel’s attention to nervous system regulation. Rather than viewing gender-related stress or dysphoria as pathology, they explore how social pressure and stigma dysregulate the body. I incorporate this trauma-informed approach in my own practice, and McDaniel models it beautifully. Their interactive exercises are somatically grounded and accessible, providing real tools for readers to reflect, self-soothe, and grow. I especially like the strawberry exercise.
What sets this book apart from many gender identity guides is its refusal to frame gender exploration as a problem to solve. Instead, Gender Magic frames it as a process of embodiment, authenticity, and even joy. McDaniel doesn't shy away from the reality of discrimination, but they don’t let transphobia define the narrative either. This rare book feels protective and celebratory in equal measure. Especially for those early in their exploration or feeling stuck in fear or confusion, McDaniel’s voice is the permission slip they didn’t know they needed.
Ultimately, Gender Magic is a beautiful resource for anyone ready to embrace gender expansiveness. I’ll be recommending it often in my sessions, not as a prescriptive manual, but as a mirror: one that reflects back how vibrant, complex, and whole we can be when we stop trying to fit and start learning to feel.
