The Green-Eyed Monster
As a sex therapist, I work with individuals navigating a broad spectrum of relational dynamics—monogamy, consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, and everything in between. One emotion that consistently surfaces across all relationship structures is jealousy. It’s often misunderstood, pathologized, or suppressed, but rarely explored with compassion and practical curiosity. That’s why Kathy Labriola’s The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships is such a gift.
Labriola, a counselor and nurse with decades of experience in relationship education, approaches jealousy not as a pathology to eliminate, but as an emotional signal worth decoding. Her book offers a mix of psychoeducation, real-life examples, and over 40 exercises to help readers understand and transform jealousy in constructive ways. While it’s specifically tailored to people in open or polyamorous relationships, I would recommend many of the tools for clients in monogamous partnerships.
What I appreciate most is Labriola’s normalization of jealousy. She writes with the assumption that jealousy is not only natural, but also workable. This reframing is powerful for clients who feel ashamed or broken for experiencing it. In some parts of the ENM community, compersion is the only acceptable emotion, but that does not always come naturally. Instead of demonizing jealousy, Labriola encourages readers to explore its roots, like fear of abandonment, comparison, scarcity of time or attention, and find more adaptive ways of responding.
The book is also highly experiential. As a therapist, I often assign the exercises in this workbook to clients between sessions. From identifying jealousy triggers, to mapping out needs, to differentiating between “rational” and “irrational” jealousy (a term I might gently reframe as “contextually grounded” vs. “historically activated”), the workbook offers opportunities for deep reflection and behavior change.
It’s a great starting point for clients who want to explore their jealousy, but I would recommend reading the book with the support of a therapist for those who have experienced early relational trauma or complex PTSD.
Additionally, while the book centers open relationships, it presumes a certain level of functioning, communication skills, and relational privilege. Readers new to polyamory or those in high-conflict dynamics might need additional scaffolding or therapeutic support to engage with the material productively. For these clients, I would also recommend working through the book with a competent therapist.
The Jealousy Workbook is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to understand jealousy more deeply. As a sex therapist, I often recommend it as a companion to therapy, where clients can process what emerges during the exercises in a contained, supportive space. It’s not a cure-all, and it doesn’t pretend to be. It is a compassionate, practical guide that invites readers to see jealousy not as the enemy of love, but as a pathway to greater self-awareness, communication, and connection.
If you’ve been afraid of your own jealousy or overwhelmed by a partner’s, this book offers a way forward. Not by suppressing the feeling, but by listening to it.
