Men Are Like Microwaves (Part 2)

I’ve been telling y’all that men are complicated. Elliott Kronenfeld’s new book Unspoken Loss: Men, Infidelity and Disenfranchised Grief explores men’s grief, identity and intimacy particularly considering silence around loss in men’s lives.

Kronenfeld’s writing deftly unpacks how unspoken grief shapes men’s sexual selves. Men are frequently conditioned to suppress vulnerability which often comes out sideways. It looks like low self-worth and an inability to form meaningful relationships with others. Men who suffer, withdraw, or act out sexually are not always able to voice the root of their emotional pain.​

Unspoken Loss validates the realities of men who struggle with emotional isolation and the complications of unaddressed grief. Kronenfeld offers language and frameworks that help therapists and clients alike bridge the gap between loss and sexuality. This book gives voice to the experience of clinging to intimacy as a lifeline or, conversely, feeling disconnected, highlighting why sexual dysfunction frequently co-occurs with unresolved emotional wounds. (See my blog post on The Existential Importance of the Penis.)

The narrative tools in the book encourage clinicians to create room for grief in the therapeutic space, opening up conversations about how loss can masquerade as desire, avoidance, or anxiety. It is a reminder to ask not only about pleasure and function but also about sadness, longing, and the invisible load men may carry into the bedroom and beyond.​ It may also give insight for men themselves and their partners.

So often the goal in therapy with men is to name the losses, to explore their impact, and to guide men toward healing that embraces vulnerability as strength.